The topic of finance very often causes people feelings similar to shame. This, of course, is due to the fact that society places a very high value on money, and when you do not meet the generally accepted criteria for success, it makes you think that you are bad.
Shame is very different from guilt. Guilt is the feeling you feel when you have done something bad, while shame is the feeling that you are bad in yourself. This is an important distinction because, unlike guilt, shame can quickly send you into a downward spiral of feeling personally responsible for your situation. While the feeling of guilt simply weakens over time or disappears altogether.
Shame about money is especially detrimental because it causes people to withdraw into themselves and hide from their problems. But financial difficulties usually cannot be run away by burying your head in the sand, because they will not only continue to haunt you, but will also grow in a snowball effect.
In a society where personal intimate relationships and preferences are freely discussed, tabooing money talk is nonsense. And after all, this is not about opponents of civilization and supporters of primitivism, but about ordinary, normal people, including the entire middle class.
At the same time, it must be understood that all people value money equally highly because of the opportunities that this tool can provide, even those who are supposedly opponents of money, capitalism and the financial system in general, as such, whatever they say.
Capitalism, in its normal form, has very few flaws, but most people don’t always get it right because Western countries live in a modified version of capitalism. Society still has a long way to go for positive change. But even so, life today is immeasurably better than just a few decades ago, not to mention past centuries.
There are a number of signs that may indicate that a person is feeling guilty about money:
- Life beyond your means
- Avoiding talking about money
- Trying to stand out by overspending
- Lies about income and status
- Constantly saving others by lending money
- Avoiding looking at the bank balance
- Lack of real assets and investment plans
As you can see, one, several or all of these signs are inherent in many people from your environment, and possibly even yourself. In fact, such people are in the vast majority, which only reinforces the taboo of discussing personal finances.
How to get rid of it
Most of the money shame comes from the fear of judgment. A small salary, a non-prestigious position, an outstanding bank loan, self-indulgence, and much more can become an object of condemnation from others. Considering the importance society places on money, for some people this shame can be stronger than going out naked on the street. Money shame is the most absurd feeling, which, nevertheless, puts a wall in front of any undertakings.
However, it is important to remember once and for all: only weak people condemn and criticize. As a rule, these people are very insecure and experience the same problems that they criticize in others. With such attempts at dominance, they try to hide their weakness and the psychological problems associated with it. Therefore, any financial criticism should not cause you absolutely no emotions, not to mention shame.
It should also be noted that the problem of monetary shame is absolutely not inherent in people who have independently created their capital. On the contrary, entrepreneurs and investors are very willing to discuss anything related to finance. Even cases of personal bankruptcy and default on loans are openly discussed without any hint of shame. After all, for them this is a temporary phenomenon that gives valuable experience, and it doesn’t matter what caused it: an unfortunate set of circumstances or their own wrong decisions.
In addition, truly successful people never criticize anyone. I cannot remember any such case. On the contrary, I noticed that they will seek advice from more experienced entrepreneurs whenever possible and will gladly give advice themselves. It must be understood that many of them, if not most, started from scratch and are familiar with all aspects of life.
The thing is that reasonable people understand that everyone can become a hostage to circumstances. It is much easier to start your own business, having been born in a first world country in a loving and wealthy family. Education and environment also play an important role. All these things are out of your control at the very moment when your psyche and perception of the world are just beginning to take shape.
Also, reasonable people understand that the capital belonging to a person is not part of it and does not affect the value of the person himself. Capital may disappear tomorrow by chance, but a good man will remain as valuable as he was. You should never make all circumstances your own and take responsibility for them if they were not a direct consequence of your choice.
It is up to you to decide who is more important to you: reasonable people or stupid people zombied by society. If the former, then discard all false prejudices and laugh at any attempts to shame you because of the fact that you could not control some events in your life.
After all, we’re all just playing around here like kids in a sandbox. The game won’t last forever, so don’t waste time on false ideas and concepts. Enjoy the game and strive to make it enjoyable for others too.